Angry Danica is angry

One of the positives to not seeing people is knowing who I should actually see. Confusing as, but basically I went overseas, came back and nobody gave a shit. Which is fine with me. There were people here and there that contacted me and vice versa but to the ones who didn't bother and questioned where I had been and why they haven't heard from me: _|_ to you.

AHHH my 18th year on this planet has made me so incredibly pessimistic. Bad drivers make me angry. Parking rangers make me angry. $99 fines because there were no room left to park and I was late to my practical so I parked on the grass makes me angry. Everybody makes me angry.

I'm not one to blog anonymously about people but I feel as though if I keep quiet, then I would never let it out and slowly it will consume me and I will turn into a bigger ball of hate and I can't let that happen.

Back in high school, I was the girl who was busy trying to make lifelong friends, with people, whose interests coincided with mine like a diet to a fat girl. Because of this, I was constantly the inferior person in friendships - often chasing after people, being the one who puts in effort to maintain it and placing them higher on my priority list than they placed me on theirs. This left me feeling sad and confused - why the hell was I trying so hard when I was clearly not receiving the same kind of treatment? It also meant that I had too many "close" friends but not enough "ride or die" friends. I probably could've had some really great friendships if I hadn't spent so much time forming new ones instead of building up on my current ones.

Ever since I started university, I've been too caught up with all the new changes in my life that I never stopped to think about how the people in my old life were. To be brutally honest, I didn't really care.

I remember speaking to them every day and calling them whenever I missed them but on the day I put my foot down and thought, "No, I will wait for them" was the day I realised how little they thought of me. Four months later (and a trip to the states), I received my first text message from these people.

#1: I feel so entirely stupid that I spent 6 long years trying to build up on that particular friendship and was then later discarded. I would say more but the text basically explained everything.

#2: Hanging out with you at school was fun but hanging out with you now is awkies. Mainly because there's always an excuse up your sleeve that allows you to "get out jail" i.e. get out of having to make conversation with me while you could be hanging out with other people.

ANOTHER THING, I'm sick of being known as the "girl with X amount of friends". Why do you define me by the number of friends I have? Why do you use it as an excuse as to why we haven't spoken? Have I ever given you an indication that you were inferior to them?! (I do not consider myself ~~f4c3b00k f4mu5~~ or what not Just a comment made by a friend that got me wanting to punch myself in the face)

I love the friends who still stuck around after high school, my uni and the friends I made there. I just wished it hadn't taken 6 years of high school to learn how to differentiate between the studs and not the duds (lmao awkward AMI ad on Australian radio).

P.S. I'm not friendless LOL I love some people from high school super-duperly much. Just some confessions that I've kept bottled up inside for too long. Plus, I wasn't very subtle so the people I wrote about can easily tell it is about them ha ha.

My rant is over.

Rah.

I actually want to bang my head into a wall asdfghjkl;'

The best things in life are free

I'm having a horrible day. The worst. One of those days where you can't wait till it's over so you can jump into bed, crack open a tub of Ben and Jerry's and have Arthur marathons until D.W's whining is the only thing that is bothering you.

Just joking - Ben and Jerry's are my rarely-indulged-in guilty pleasures, and I love D.W too much to hate. I've basically just ruined my only remedy for a bad day.

HOWEVER, to deter myself away from my horrible mood, I'm going to compose a list of things that bring happiness to my life. If I don't, I'm going to make like a pessimistic and cry. Or allow the anger to consume me and I explode (think of a balloon being pricked by a pin and that's basically how I'll feel).


THE BEST THINGS IN MY LIFE (THAT ARE FREE TOO)

• Amazing synchronisation of pregnancies by the Gen X

I have 4 cousins that are born in 1992, 1993, 1994 and 1995. Not sure if it was planned or not (I can imagine that conversation being a tad more awkward than usual), but thank you Gen X's. We've basically formed a gang and our goal is to keep our family as our number one priority. It's like having a twin sister and a built in best friend except that there are 5 of us and they are actually my cousins. One of the joy associated is seeing people's faces distort into shock when they hear I party with my family - "You go to the cross with your mother?!"

Funny story. I was meant to be conceived one week after my 1995 cousin but something inside of me spurred - maybe my inner competitiveness? - and I saw the light at 38 weeks. So in your face, Jess. I turned 18 before you!

• An Empty House

It's like having your own place - except you don't pay for rent and it only lasts a couple of hours. Hashtag broke student problems.

• Facebook's Tagging System

I remember a time when I actually had to ask people "what are you up to today?", "who is going?" and "can I come... please?"

Thank goodness for Facebook. Now I can find an answer to all of these questions - including a hollow feeling in my chest after realising I wasn't invited - and still keep my dignity! Wow, never knew that my happiness was that creepy.

• Sleep when you're Exhausted

It's almost 1 AM and I'm exhausted.

There were so much more that I wanted to add but I'm tired and I want to experience one of the things on my list.

(It's sleep, if you didn't quite catch on LOL)

You know you love me,

xoxo

Gossip Girl

I just want to be hugged and told that everything will be okay.

Today's my 18th birthday and I fucking hate it.

Hopeless but hoping

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster through hell but I have finally broken through the Earth's crust and am coasting along my way calmly on Earth.

I've actually had really bad thoughts these past days; thoughts that would allow me to cheat and slowly climb my way up; depressed thoughts that involved me crying in the corner in the foetal position. However, today, I've had really positive ones. I still have hope and I will always have hope. I will never stop trying nor will I ever give up.

I love you three so, so much.

Post HSC Photo Diary

(What I wore to NYE in the city, new haircut for 2013, sticker-bombed my boyfriend's car when Vi and I saw it parking innocently on the side of the road, Andy's 18th birthday, the whore-se and Danica, Santosh's 18th birthday with Santosh dressed as Squidward, The Tunnel Club at the Cross (for the first time) for Kabhi's 18th)

I should bring my camera around with me more often. Most of these are just stolen from Facebook or off my iPhone which explains the dodgy quality. These photos are basically providing you guys with a false perception on what my post HSC is actually like. You may think that all I'm doing is partying and f-ingsu!!!!!! (you're probably not thinking that), but I'm really just sitting at home playing Sims 3.

Experimented with the Create-A-Sim body weight bar and laughed so hard. She shouldn't be wearing a leopard print bikini HAHA

Oh, and check out this song: Avicii vs Nicky Romero - I Could Be The One. The music video is funny and the main character is freaking hilarious but at the same time it also makes you question your existence.

"I feel like I'm trapped in somebody else's master plan: go to school, get a job, get a mortgage. All I'm really doing is dying."

2 0 1 3

The year has started off with a bang and there is no way that I will let it sizzle out before 1st January 2014. Which means that the 16th January better give me what I want or else... I'll cry. Joking. (I'm still hoping for the best though)

BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually had the greatest group of people to share my NYE with. My night was almost ruined by some party poopers down at Milsons Point whose attitude may reflect how little they're getting laid (half joking). I know you (the fat man taking up so much space because his body fat needed a place to sit too) may have came across rude fuckers who trampled over all you, but if someone opts to be polite and asks you nicely to let them walk past - which would've taken up barely ANY of your time (since there were still 3 hours before the 12am fireworks) - THEN MOVE. Don't stand in the way of someone celebrating the new year with friends and family. It's a day of celebration. Take that frown and attitude off your face before that's the attitude that you are bringing into 2013.

Some people might say "you don't know what he had been through that night" or "you don't know what people may have done to him" but I personally don't think there is any excuse to be grouchy to someone just because someone else had made them angry. I don't think it's fair to take out your anger on other people. Unless I had been aggressive or rude, his reaction was completely unnecessary.

Him: "No, I'm not letting you through. I know you won't get down there to them."
Me: "And what if I do? What if I do get down there to my friends and family? What would you say then?"
Him:

Yeah, that's right. You stay silent.

NYE 2012 CREW: Susan, Alissa, Alaster (covered with my hand hahehe), Jimmy, Henry

ON A POSITIVE NOTE, I'm actually quite a big fan of New Years resolution, however being a fan doesn't equate to being good at maintaining them. You know those people who joins the gym at the beginning of the year? Gyms for a few weeks and never shows up again? Who can be found playing Sims 3 until the wee hours of the day? Well that's basically my life story (I just wanted to throw in Sims 3 because i am AHHH-DIC-TED)

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

1. To be more giving.
2. To get fit (bitch).
3. To always wear my retainers.
4. To not give up on things that I set out to do (like my blog, my fitness, Channing Tatum... ha ha, just kidding, J)