Angry Danica is angry

One of the positives to not seeing people is knowing who I should actually see. Confusing as, but basically I went overseas, came back and nobody gave a shit. Which is fine with me. There were people here and there that contacted me and vice versa but to the ones who didn't bother and questioned where I had been and why they haven't heard from me: _|_ to you.

AHHH my 18th year on this planet has made me so incredibly pessimistic. Bad drivers make me angry. Parking rangers make me angry. $99 fines because there were no room left to park and I was late to my practical so I parked on the grass makes me angry. Everybody makes me angry.

I'm not one to blog anonymously about people but I feel as though if I keep quiet, then I would never let it out and slowly it will consume me and I will turn into a bigger ball of hate and I can't let that happen.

Back in high school, I was the girl who was busy trying to make lifelong friends, with people, whose interests coincided with mine like a diet to a fat girl. Because of this, I was constantly the inferior person in friendships - often chasing after people, being the one who puts in effort to maintain it and placing them higher on my priority list than they placed me on theirs. This left me feeling sad and confused - why the hell was I trying so hard when I was clearly not receiving the same kind of treatment? It also meant that I had too many "close" friends but not enough "ride or die" friends. I probably could've had some really great friendships if I hadn't spent so much time forming new ones instead of building up on my current ones.

Ever since I started university, I've been too caught up with all the new changes in my life that I never stopped to think about how the people in my old life were. To be brutally honest, I didn't really care.

I remember speaking to them every day and calling them whenever I missed them but on the day I put my foot down and thought, "No, I will wait for them" was the day I realised how little they thought of me. Four months later (and a trip to the states), I received my first text message from these people.

#1: I feel so entirely stupid that I spent 6 long years trying to build up on that particular friendship and was then later discarded. I would say more but the text basically explained everything.

#2: Hanging out with you at school was fun but hanging out with you now is awkies. Mainly because there's always an excuse up your sleeve that allows you to "get out jail" i.e. get out of having to make conversation with me while you could be hanging out with other people.

ANOTHER THING, I'm sick of being known as the "girl with X amount of friends". Why do you define me by the number of friends I have? Why do you use it as an excuse as to why we haven't spoken? Have I ever given you an indication that you were inferior to them?! (I do not consider myself ~~f4c3b00k f4mu5~~ or what not Just a comment made by a friend that got me wanting to punch myself in the face)

I love the friends who still stuck around after high school, my uni and the friends I made there. I just wished it hadn't taken 6 years of high school to learn how to differentiate between the studs and not the duds (lmao awkward AMI ad on Australian radio).

P.S. I'm not friendless LOL I love some people from high school super-duperly much. Just some confessions that I've kept bottled up inside for too long. Plus, I wasn't very subtle so the people I wrote about can easily tell it is about them ha ha.

My rant is over.

Rah.

I actually want to bang my head into a wall asdfghjkl;'

The best things in life are free

I'm having a horrible day. The worst. One of those days where you can't wait till it's over so you can jump into bed, crack open a tub of Ben and Jerry's and have Arthur marathons until D.W's whining is the only thing that is bothering you.

Just joking - Ben and Jerry's are my rarely-indulged-in guilty pleasures, and I love D.W too much to hate. I've basically just ruined my only remedy for a bad day.

HOWEVER, to deter myself away from my horrible mood, I'm going to compose a list of things that bring happiness to my life. If I don't, I'm going to make like a pessimistic and cry. Or allow the anger to consume me and I explode (think of a balloon being pricked by a pin and that's basically how I'll feel).


THE BEST THINGS IN MY LIFE (THAT ARE FREE TOO)

• Amazing synchronisation of pregnancies by the Gen X

I have 4 cousins that are born in 1992, 1993, 1994 and 1995. Not sure if it was planned or not (I can imagine that conversation being a tad more awkward than usual), but thank you Gen X's. We've basically formed a gang and our goal is to keep our family as our number one priority. It's like having a twin sister and a built in best friend except that there are 5 of us and they are actually my cousins. One of the joy associated is seeing people's faces distort into shock when they hear I party with my family - "You go to the cross with your mother?!"

Funny story. I was meant to be conceived one week after my 1995 cousin but something inside of me spurred - maybe my inner competitiveness? - and I saw the light at 38 weeks. So in your face, Jess. I turned 18 before you!

• An Empty House

It's like having your own place - except you don't pay for rent and it only lasts a couple of hours. Hashtag broke student problems.

• Facebook's Tagging System

I remember a time when I actually had to ask people "what are you up to today?", "who is going?" and "can I come... please?"

Thank goodness for Facebook. Now I can find an answer to all of these questions - including a hollow feeling in my chest after realising I wasn't invited - and still keep my dignity! Wow, never knew that my happiness was that creepy.

• Sleep when you're Exhausted

It's almost 1 AM and I'm exhausted.

There were so much more that I wanted to add but I'm tired and I want to experience one of the things on my list.

(It's sleep, if you didn't quite catch on LOL)

You know you love me,

xoxo

Gossip Girl